Something I've pondered for years

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3 days ago, i was in bed ready to fall asleep and an aha moment struck me. You see, i have a visceral and deep relationship with fear, it's not only my comfort zone but it dictates my decisions in life quite heavily. In most situations, i find myself thinking of horrible things that could happen, when i socially engineered it was going to prison, making a mistake/being caught, talking about it in public and being recorded mid SE. When i've been day trading, it's unforseen market fluctuations due to gaps in my knowledge/strategies, just the thought that one day the line might zip in the opposite direction of my position, when i finally have some money and liquidate me is terrifying. Most would think a stop loss could prevent that, but if it happens fast enough, you can end up with far greater losses than your stop loss. These thoughts haunt me on a second to second basis, weighing me down, riddling me with anxiety and self-loathing. Then i realized, why does it have to be counter productive? I have a deep a visceral relationship with fear, but what if my fear was about what happened if i DON'T DO IT and not what happens if i DO IT. In that moment, i realized my core motivation in life, what drives me on a cellular level. I moved to Hawaii some years ago, i did it on 3 days notice, just enough money to get there, not a friend or family member in the place and nowhere to go except a hotel i was staying at for 2 days, so i could mask the fact that I'd be homeless in my start there, to the "screen process people". The reason i did it, is because i woke up that day after being at the BEST..HOMELESS SHELTER i could find in America, i took every factor into account from funding to job markets, you name it and after I'd been there for a year...the worst happened. I hadn't taken advantage of a single opportunity afforded to me out of millions of dollars in donations they received on a yearly basis. I could have a job, i could have an apartment but i had absolutely no inclinations to get them, instead i'd wake up every day, buy my snacks from a gas station with my EBT money and take my laptop to public Wi-Fi areas and be a gamer nerd for 8 hours, go back to the shelter, sleep..repeat. You see i realized that day, that the guys i'd noticed who'd been there for over a decade, they got comfortable...i was getting comfortable and that terrified me so much so, that i did what i had to do to get to Hawaii. But it's interesting, isn't it? Most people when i tell them what i did when i moved to Hawaii say, i could've never done that i don't know how you had so much courage, yet when I'm faced with seemingly easier tasks i found myself overwhelmed with fear. That's when i remembered a guy i used to follow on Youtube who has the most remarkably well documented work ethic I've ever witnessed, im talking a 20/7 work horse, Gary Vaynerchuck. In one of his interviews he stated that every single morning he wakes up and imagines his family dying and that sets the stage for his perspective for the day...it enables him to be an effective leader, to work himself to the bone and give everything he's got, 7 days a week 20 hours a day. Fear is a powerful tool I've realized; he figured out the fear that he needs to get the job done every day and it works. Now I've just got to find mine. 

What it is that can motivate to move to hawaii, on 3 days notice, with just enough money to get there, certain to be homeless with no friends or family able to help me and have been perfectly fine with it. What was it about my fear, that was so much more terrifying to me than moving, it made doing it essentially a piece of cake for me. There's power there i know it.

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Your journey and reflection on fear are truly profound. It's fascinating how fear can either paralyze us or propel us forward. Your experience highlights the importance of understanding our fears and harnessing them as motivators for positive change. Your courage to move to Hawaii with such uncertainty is inspiring, and it's a testament to the strength that lies within confronting our deepest fears. Thank you for sharing your story.

tunnel rush

[412]

Your journey and reflection on fear are truly profound. It's fascinating how fear can either paralyze us or propel us forward. Your experience highlights the importance of understanding our fears and harnessing them as motivators for positive change. Your courage to move to Hawaii with such uncertainty is inspiring, and it's a testament to the strength that lies within confronting our deepest fears. Thank you for sharing your story.

tunnel rush

Actually it had nothing to do with confronting my deepest fear, the whole time i was moving to hawaii i was only thinking about one thing...those poor souls living in that homeless shelter for 10 years and me gradually slipping into a comatose that turned me into one of them. That's weird isn't it? It's almost like the fear of that, overpowered my fear of all the obstacles and adversity i might face so much, that they didn't even register as difficult. 

Essentially what im saying is i ran away from a nightmarish scenario as fast as i could

*ALERT* I HAVE IMPOSTERS, CONFIRM ALL DEALS ON C.IO DM'S *ALERT*

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Just keep going and do your thing.

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