OP 01 June, 2020 - 02:07 PM
So i joined this site because i can have a different identity and just escape from my personal life.
At this point i just want out of my real life, I dont believe in a after life so suicide isnt something i would do but i do not want to live this life.
I have been in a long term relationship for 6 years started dating the person when i was 19 and she was 30. we moved in a year later, well i moved into my partners place and where i stayed for sometime. because of my age and my family i couldnt afford university and had to work and pay for my studies. I was always told by my partner of how useless and pathetic i am because my jobs never paid enough or my business plans never took off. for a three month period 2 years ago i got addicted to pain killers and anti-depressants that i got from a pharmacist. i hated myself for that and from then to now i have been living a lie
i have lied to my partner about my jobs and income because i always felt i was never good enough and i would be left for someone closer to their age that can provide the life needed. my partner knows i am loyal and always used that against me when we fought about finances, i was told to kill myself and that they would happily live better if i could just drop down and die. i have considered doing so several times.
recently another fight happened due to lockdown regulations i lost my job and income, once again i was reminded of how pathetic i am and that i should be dead to make everyone happy, for two nights last week in winter i was forced to sleep outside in the cold and laughed at when i told my partner of my pain emotionally and physically. my partner now joined a dating site and i just want out of all this because of the toxic scary life i am in.i dont know what to do or even where to go as i dont have family
my partner is legally blind, a disease that makes them lose vision over time. when we met the vision was ok but now really bad and i always was there for them. taking them everywhere they needed to go and do as if the disease did not exist. i have built a family that i never had and now im scared of losing that. we have no children . i feel defeated by life
At this point i just want out of my real life, I dont believe in a after life so suicide isnt something i would do but i do not want to live this life.
I have been in a long term relationship for 6 years started dating the person when i was 19 and she was 30. we moved in a year later, well i moved into my partners place and where i stayed for sometime. because of my age and my family i couldnt afford university and had to work and pay for my studies. I was always told by my partner of how useless and pathetic i am because my jobs never paid enough or my business plans never took off. for a three month period 2 years ago i got addicted to pain killers and anti-depressants that i got from a pharmacist. i hated myself for that and from then to now i have been living a lie
i have lied to my partner about my jobs and income because i always felt i was never good enough and i would be left for someone closer to their age that can provide the life needed. my partner knows i am loyal and always used that against me when we fought about finances, i was told to kill myself and that they would happily live better if i could just drop down and die. i have considered doing so several times.
recently another fight happened due to lockdown regulations i lost my job and income, once again i was reminded of how pathetic i am and that i should be dead to make everyone happy, for two nights last week in winter i was forced to sleep outside in the cold and laughed at when i told my partner of my pain emotionally and physically. my partner now joined a dating site and i just want out of all this because of the toxic scary life i am in.i dont know what to do or even where to go as i dont have family
my partner is legally blind, a disease that makes them lose vision over time. when we met the vision was ok but now really bad and i always was there for them. taking them everywhere they needed to go and do as if the disease did not exist. i have built a family that i never had and now im scared of losing that. we have no children . i feel defeated by life
